Continuing on with practice. Today nothing to note in particular. I am happy that i practiced. An early morning tiff with the GF almost kept me the mat, but yay! I overcame. A little stiffer today than yesterday, job stress perhaps…All in all good flow, and adequate warmth despite the -5 degree cold outside.
I’ve got to say that my best practicies are those where I stop trying to ‘do’ yoga, according to any expectation or image I have in mind, and instead just do it. Today’s practice was such a practice, flowing, 5 breaths in everything and i was done in an hour and a half. Lately, I’ve been falling into the trap of fidgeting around in poses and trying to go deeper and deeper into the postures. As a result I’ve been getting somewhat stiffer, and often lose the momentumm and flow of my practice….leading to spaced out pauses, extra breaths, fatigue. Today I didn’t push, and I didn’t back off…I just went as far as I could without straining or trying too hard, and let go of the posture and moved on.
This practice of letting go over is my biggest lesson right now. I try so hard in every aspect of my life, yoga needs to be a refuge not another playground for my perfectionism.
Well I’m back home again after the hectic, but blissfully short visit back to the family abode on the East Coast. Practiced yesterday for the first time in 4 days. A little stiffer than usual, but in general don’t seemed to have lost much suppleness, and my strength is the same. Today will be afternoon practice as work duties grabbed my early morning time. the new job has some of the same monotonous qualities of the old job, with an injection of mental stimulation (which i like) and the frequent anxious thought that I have forgotten to do something indispensibly vital that will result in my dismissal from the position. Haha! That has never happened so I can swipe away the thought like an irksome fly buzzing around me on a humid day. I should count how many times a day that distorted thought pops up, its probably 5 or 6 times. It seems to persist despite how many times history and experience have disproved it. Feeling a bit listless and tired today, perhaps I will blow off the rest of the day of work and go see a movie….ahhh the beauty of working at home.
Its been at least 5 months since I’ve had a bout of insomnia like this. There’s nothing worse than trying to sleep and getting to that moment of drifting off and some part of you that won’t let go, pulls you back out into consciousness. Tonight it is a seed of anxiety and fear about my new job. Building upon this is a fear now that because I am so tired from sleeplessness that I won’t practice tomorrow. I’ll have to see how that goes….
Today’s practice was not what I wanted it to be, though I am happy I practiced at all. Barely got through standing series and felt positively exhausted. Every part of my body was telling me to stop, and though I wanted to push on, I listened and let myself rest. I can only imagine that today’s practice will be very tough, if I was that exhausted yesterday on a full night of sleep. Maybe I’m feeling the effects of the new moon…..and now I’ve found a good reason not to practice tomorrow. Moon Day today , I had forgotten.
Nothing much interesting to say today. Things have been very busy with the new job. Practice has been consistent (5x, sometimes 6x per week) and I seem to be progressing in small ways. Can now usually get my arms through in garbha pindasana, though my hands are a far cry from being on my head, though they are getting closer. Kurmasana getting better, though still far from the full expression. I’m not in any hurry at this point. Just continuing to practice regularly despite the recent increase in my workload feels very satisfying and necessary to maintain sound mind. That’s all I have to report.
Namaste
Suddenly practice has become more painful, specifically lower back pain. I’ve been deepening my forward bends and working the backbends so that may be the culprit. The pain disappears after practice so I am assuming it is “ok” pain that will pass I as I continue to open more. Jump thrus getting better, seem to have lost some or the progress I made in jumpback, but the float is coming back.
Revelation today was the “barbie foot” the simultaeneous pushing through the heel and pointing or pushing through toes. I’ve been taught this before, but somehow had forgotten it. So after reading Gregor Maehle’s book last night I remembered that I should be doing this. So it allowed me to deepen many of the forward bends and get a deeper stretch in the hips.
I realized that my Virabhadrasana II’s are quite poor, in terms of alignment and bandha use. I will strive to rectifiy this. I am now accentuating the curve in my spine, and instead need to engage bandhas strongly and pull in buttocks , lenghten and align the spine. Working the back leg strongly also seems to help accomplish this. So I will continue to use a mirror for the next few days to visually get the correction and start to feel it in my body.
Namaste,
D
Day 6 of practice and my body is tired. Floatiness gone, but very flexible. Still haven’t reached that point with a steady flow in my practice. Be good to give the body a rest tomorrow.
Yesterday I turned 33. Its funny how I’ve gotten more reflective and introverted on every birthday since 30. A parade of ex-partners, ex-friends, and ex-living spaces, roommates, places, etc. streaming through my mind. I’ve got to say I even drifted into the realm of sentimental melancholia. Hmmm I remember when my birthdays used to be about getting hammered, but then I found the spiritual path.
The funny part is I’m making the least amount of money I have since my early twenties and I’m the happiest and most fulfilled I’ve been in my entire life. There is definitely a lot in my life I have to be grateful for. A wonderful partner, work I love, and a good supportive community. Not to mention the flexiblity to maintain and practice yoga and meditation as I wish.
Thanks for listening….
Namaste,
D
It was freakishly warm for this time of the year, so I had a nice hot sweaty practice. It definitely beats the usualy 65ish degree room with the heater on. At any rate, I noticed the lack of limberness and whatnot in my practice, though the intense concentration that I have experienced the past couple of days remains. Morning is definitely a more intense practice, in that I’m really waking up the body, and it feels like it requires so much more energy output than the afternoon practices. Kurmasana is defintely getting better.
Namaste,
D
The last two days it became impossible for me to get my lazy ass out of bed at 5am, so i practiced in the afternoon instead. The difference is amazing. I had forgotten what it felt like for things not to be so damn hard!! Very floaty, easy binds, deep into postures. I feel ginger stiff and all around clumsy at 5am. I’ve heard you get used to it, but I haven’t yet. However, the afternoon practices require more discipline with eating and being able to tear myself away from work. I guess I shoudl count myself as lucky, as I am able to work at home and practice any time I damn well please.
Back to 5am tomorrow.
Blessings,
D
