Sluggish

Felt sluggish and allergy ridden this morning. Was able to crawl out of bed fairly early…which I’m going to have to make a regular thing with the class starting tomorrow. Managed the standing poses and a couple of seated, then finished…felt quite exhausted on the mat. Could that have something to do with the beers I consumed last night…hmmmm? I’m starting to get used to (and enjoying) this new modified version of the series, though I must say I am getting more tired than usual as the vinyasas are taxing me a bit.

Saw the bodyworker on Monday afternoon. She worked on stimulating neurolymphatic points that moving the blocked energy in my left leg….hopefully opening that hip more and helping to alleviate the stiffness pain and inflexibility of that leg. I’ve got to say that over the past 5 days or so I’ve had no pain at all in the knee, an occasional weird feeling twinge when walking that disappears immediately. The knee is still very stiff and feels as if it will pop if I close the knee joint to much.

Attitude

Today my attitude was much improved over yesterday. Thanks to everyone for their supportive and wise comments. Much appreciated. The mind was calm…partly because of how early morning it was. No expectations…just hanging with my body where it is at.

Felt no pain during practice, only got slightly into the seated postures before I had to go to finishing and wrap up as i had an early meeting this morning. Strangely enough the pain came back this afternoon, I just hopped out of the car and there it was. Usually sitting and walking are fine, and painless. So additional ice is called for.

Still not sure what to do with the imbalance of binding and lotusing on one side but not the other. Maybe if I continue things will balance out…my injured side is usually my “good” or more flexible side…so maybe after recovery from this I will be perfectly balanced….we shall see.

Once I’m recovered more I will probably go back to the studio to get some expert help from the teachers there….I have a little bit of fear of hurting myself there as I tend to push more in that environment and not listen so carefully to myself….

Looking forward to a long weekend and more bodywork on Monday! Next week I start teaching (as an assistant) a yoga class at my former graduate school…looking forward to it!

Mental Mayhem

Today’s practice was difficult due to the constant stream of negative and self-defeating thoughts I’m experiencing both on and off the mat. I ended up stopping at navasana, feeling that I was exhausted, but it seemed more ‘in my head’ than anywhere else. This modified somewhat gimpy practice is leaving me wondering how far should I go? If I were to follow mysore ‘rules’ I wouldn’t go past utthita hasta padangusthasana, as I can’t complete the next posture on my left side..due to knee injury. So I am experiencing much confusion and self-doubt about how much to practice..etc…and part of me (a very vocal part this morning) doesn’t feel I should practice at all if I ‘can’t do it right.’ Also doomsday thoughts of ‘I’ll never be able to practice again the way I used to….no more half lotus, no more lotus.’ It’s amazing the dark places the mind goes when the physical body is out of wack. Seems like a combination of my chronic impatience and aversion to working within anything but my ideal version of what my body should be like…and right now it isn’t that ideal. Connecting with the impermanence of our physical body is a real trip….

Gimpy practice

So today I tried CJ’s fabulously helpful suggestions for vinyasa while keeping my left leg (bad knee leg) straight. At first it was awkward, but felt quite fun by the end…though it seemed to fatigue my arms and core more than the standard jump back….I guess anything you are new at taxes the muscles differently. Remarkably I was able to jump through using the same sort of movement and it was pretty floaty! I imagine if I had been practicing at the studio I would have whacked the person next to me with my straight leg though ….

At any rate…it was a practice though I had to leave out Ardha Baddha Padottanasana, Janu’s B-C (lame A ’cause I can hardly bend the leg at all), Mari B and D…was able to manage a cross legged pindasana, rolling with loose legs is hard, lifted up for Kukku, but only made it about 3 breaths without the lotus to hold the legs up. Did baddha konasana, though I had to keep the feet far from the body in order to keep from tweaking out the knee….the rest were fine. Basically I can’t do anything, at least on the left side, that requires me closing the knee joint or bending it farther than say a 120 degree angle.

I’m still debating about whether to do the postures to my full flexibility on my right side? Seems as it if that will cause some major imbalances over time….CJ if you are reading this maybe you can weigh in on your experience.

The bodyworker had some good insight into my issues which she thinks are emotional things…creeping into the physical realm….she will help me address them in both ways. Seemed to think she could have me doing yoga again the way i have been practicing (pre-injury) in not too long….though to address the core issues it will take longer. I’m totally game…..this injury and weakness in my body has felt somato-emotional all along…better to heal the emotional wounding in the body….otherwise I will most likely manifest injury in some other way in the future.

8 Random Thingies about me

So I’ve been tagged by yogamum for the eight little random things about me meme.

here it goes:

1) In high school I was given the title ‘Most Sophisticated’ in the Senior Yearbook, mostly due to

the fact that I was severely shy and didn’t talk much, probably mostly opened my mouth to say ’smart’ things in class….people took my social awkwardness to be sophistication and aloofness.

2) I once spent an entire summer working for free on an organic farm, and can say that, as far as the realm of work goes, that was one of my happiest times.

3) I never went to my high school prom, as my prospective date came out to me the night before, and ended up going with her best friend Melanie.

4) My first kiss was with my aformentioned gay lady-friend, and I quite enjoyed it (not sure how she felt.) - this foreshadowed many future crushes on lesbian friends/roommates, etc.

5) I spent most of my early and mid twenties living my dream of being a performing singer/songwriter in Boston…though not very lucratively. Sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. My favorite venues (the only places that would have me) small coffeeshops, cafe’s a couple of small bars, and the subway (Called the ‘T’ in Boston) The most money i made was tips in the ‘T.’ - I still haven’t finished the CD I was working on - someday!

6) I make many of my major decisions using my intuition and the metaphysical vehicles of tarot cards, and pendulums. Some say this is foolishness, but it has worked out pretty well so far.

7) It has been my lifelong dream to own a house with no furniture and hardwood floors. (maybe some meditation cushions) The best I’ve ever felt was after receiving intravenous valium during a surgical removal of my impacted wisdom teeth. (the dental office neglected to tell me not to eat, so they couldn’t put me to sleep).

I hereby tag the following folks for meme, if you’ve already been tagged disregard:

CJ
Vanessa
Okrgr
Ursula
Arturo
Donutszenmom
Yoga Squirrel Cage (Lakshmi)
Driste

The rules - 1: Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves. 2: People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules. 3: At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. 4: Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Enjoy!

MCL strain

So the knee at its worst last week mad some awful cracking and popping noise, along with a strange sensation inside of the knee as if something was moving that shouldn’t be. After some exploration I found this might be patellar femoral issues….Visited the doc today and was told that I strained the MCL, but it is not particularly serious….she couldnt’ account for the patellar femoral stuff, cracking popping moving…..however she postulated that this could be on account of the weakness caused by the strain. I was told to go to PT. I’m bummed because I had hoped to start right away, but they don’t have an appointment until June 6th….Bah! I need to get all healthy so i can participate fully in the June 22nd wkshp with Annie Pace. I’m also a teaching assistant in a yoga class where I am meant to be the model for the teacher in certain asanas…and that is starting next week! Perhpas I can figure out how to do some rehab on my own…..

K-nee issues

So I’m sure this knee thing is psycho-somatic, somedays it hurts somedays nothing. Though I have tweaked and retweaked it through practice, so now I’m laying off the lotuses and half lotuses, which is a major bummer. Feeling as if I’m not really practicing without those poses in full expression. Been working alot on hip openers as I’m sure some residual karmic tension in the left hip is to blame. I was hoping to be in tip top yogic shape for the workshop in June, but it looks like unless some minor miracle happens I’ll be nursing my knee…o well.

Practice has been practice, though as I said somewhat substandard due my inability to lotus on the left side. I seem to remember having this exact same issue when i first started practicing in 2002, but I cant’ remember how I got through it….I believe the stiffness and pain just disappeared over time and I was able to get into all things lotusy. Who knows….trying to be in the moment with it and not cause any further damage because out of pride and attachment.

Had some trouble sleeping last night and ended up practicing at 4am…supposedly an ‘auspicious’ time for practice. One thing I noticed is that I was hardly stiff at all…

Sleep = Stiffness
no sleep = flexi

Too bad I need to sleep.

Phew

Minor panic, I noticed my moon phase widget looked full, but after a quick check of Ashtanga.com found that it is actually a moon day tomorrow. I get bummed when I miss my days off.

Practice update: Primary series, modifying only Mari D, still having intermittent pain in the knee, some days are better than others. due to scheduling issues have been practicing alot in the afternoon, which I am now trying to shift. Annie Pace Workshop coming up in June! yay!

The weather here has been unbelievable…a 90 degree day on this past Sunday. Been enjoying the outdoors, hiking, and the unbelievable absence of allergies…so far.