Standing

First of all I want to take a moment and thank those of you who commented and expressed sympathy because of my knee issues and other things I complained about. I’ve realized that I spend alot of time complaining here, and find that quite distasteful, but I can’t seem to stop. As far as my yoga practice goes I have many many complaints…particularly the fact that I can’t practice ‘correctly’ because I my knee issue. Anyway, I’ll try to curb the complaining in the future.

Basically everything I do causes pain in the knee at the moment, though there is less after practice than before, so I have deduced that this abbreviated practice is a good thing for me right now. I did take about 4 days off, before hitting the mat again, i wonder if I should take months off and perhaps that is what the knee needs. however I am driven by an obsessive fear that if I take a long break I will lose any modicum of flexibility and strength i have achieved and will feel so put off by the task of regaining that through practice that perhaps I woudl just give up Ashtanga all together. I’ve never been much of a quitter, I tend to show a lot of tenacity with most things I undertake, so I’m not sure if that could actually happen. I do know that my practice is not fun the way it used to be, it is slow, painstaking, somewhat painful, careful to the point of obsessiveness and not flowing the way it used to. There I go again with the complaining….anyway, I think I need to reevaluate why i doing this practice and to realize that it is the internal aspects breath, driste, bandha’s that are really imporant. I’m just sooo tired of dealing with the knee. And don’t say ‘just have surgery’ because that’s not an option for me right now. I’m been consulting with some folks, admittedly from alternative medicine, who feel it is completely possible that my knee can heal without a surgical intervention and I’ve chosen to go that route. The question is however, do I have the patience to stick with this long healing process? We shall see.

On another front I have recently started eating a small amount of meat every week as a health recommendation from another one of my alt. med. friends. So far I have felt much stronger and have seen no negative effects on my yoga practice. Again we shall see….I realized I had been having cravings for a long time for meat, but had been eschewing them for spiritual and health reasons. It is nice to have permission to indulge this.

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One Response to “Standing”

  1. yogamum Says:

    Boy, do I identify with your injury dilemma. I have this internal dialogue daily — to practice and possibly re-injure myself, or not to practice and stiffen up, or to practice and make my injury feel better by moving? Etc. etc. etc. You know, I think you just have to give up the ideal of what a practice should be, and be with what it is. Annie says injury is no excuse not to focus on the internal stuff.

    I’m in a “not wanting meat” phase right now, but I vacillate.

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