I am a planner, and lately my plans seem to never come to fruition. One thing I’ve noticed is that my plans often have a hidden ingredient of impatience that I inject into them, i.e. things always take longer to accomplish than I think they will. I give myself 1 year it takes 3, I give myself 1 hour it takes 1.5…etc, etc, you can see how the samsaric cycle is perpetuated by this. So I have decided to give up deadlining. I will still plan and even plan in detail, but I will restrain myself from setting time limits, or deadlines as I seem to have an uncanny knack of creating unrealistic ones.
I went to see the bodyworker, and I’ve made huge progress, though some of the core issues in terms of emotional/muscular weakness are still there. She’s given me some really challenging homework, that has already been immensely helpful. One of the exercises involves getting feedback from folks, and not just ones you trust. Suffice it to say i had a rough childhood with very critical people around me, and I have a huge fear of taking in feedback from folks who I don’t trust. I fear it will become part of me, as it did as a child —–The bodyworker said this is a false belief, very helpful —-As an adult I have the capacities (and the organ systems - another thing she works with) to discriminate. I think on an intellectual level I knew this, but I am still afraid of taking in feedback from folks who I don’t completely trust. I can count the people i completely trust on both hands….so that really limits the field. So this has been challenging exercise. She advised me on how to take feedback as well: Feedback should not be defended against, it should be accepted, not as being true, but allowed to be considered and not figured out or defended. We can just take it in, and in about a week’s time we will know if it is important for us to believe and work on this feedback, or if it is complete garbage. I tend to shut out feedback if I find the source of it to be someone who seems to be a complete jackass, or I don’t trust or respect them. This exercise offers the possibility that anyone can offer helpful feedback, regardless of the source. Ultimately I get to discriminate, but it won’t hurt me to take in what is given. Radical concept for me.
What does this have to do with the knee you ask? Lots, these erroneous beliefs and emotional issues are what cause my muscles to go weak in certain situations, and many of them have gone weak since childhood. Breaking through these emotional issues and erroneous beliefs will strengthen everything that wasn’t supportive to the knee in the first place. Its pretty amazing I’ve already been able to contact strongly some core muscles that I have never really felt before. So, i was skeptical at first, but I really see how this way of working is helping, and it is not a quick fix, but alot more than my knee will have been helped by the end of it.
