The Return

I’ve started going back to the shala, or rather ‘the workshop’ as we call it here. It has been over a year since I went for the mysore classes there and was pleasantly surprised by what I perceived as a shift in energy….whether the shift came from me changing or the vibe of the place, I do not know. Boy am I sore! The shabby and frayed corners of my practice have been neatened up, and the result is incredible soreness (good pain) and stiffness today. I remember this happening before when i took a break did self-practice then returned….so it will pass. I’ve also been told ‘I’m very close’ to being able to jump back properly, which has been both boon and somewhat of a torture, as the teacher is now making me do it every time, or at least a very earnest try. I hear my name come from across the room in a slightly perturbed tone if I do not go for it….I’ve started to harbor the hope that my knee will actually recover without surgery, though who really knows. I go to see an orthopedist in Dec, so I will take that professional opinion into consideration.

At the present I am able to get into a loose lotus during the end part of practice enough to do a semblance of Pindasana, uthi pluthi, etc. The knee is still not right, though it seems more a matter of regaining flexibility at this point….

At any rate, its defintely re-ignited my desire to practice and i get loads of adjustments from the teacher as there have only been about 5 or 6 of us in the morning mysore. I’m going to try and keep it up, going 1x per week and the rest self-practice until I can figure out a more consistent way to get there.

Defunct

This blog is now officially defunct. It may be resuscitated at a later time.

Tired

Been feeling quite tired over the past few days, managing only short practices due to other responsibilities. Also been feeling much more hungry than usual….changing seasons perhaps?

back on-line

3 phone calls, 2.5 hours and one new cable modem ($80) later and I am back on line again in the calm sanctuary of my own home. Too bad I can’t get the great americano’s here…I guess there are some benefits to being at the coffee shop, though I really didn’t get much done there, but some socializing.

Comcast f***ing sucks

I hate comcast. I have repeatededly had problems with my internet, which I rely on when I am working at home and there goddamn answer is always “Restart your router, restart your cable modem” ….”I’m sorry, you have a mac, we can’t help you, we only have PC techs here” “The problem must be at your end” then miraculously after their next update I have no problems, nothing ever changes here at my end and the service level fluctuates from week to week, seemingly coinciding with when they make changes to their service. In short, if you have a Mac don’t expect any help from their tech support, it seems like I know more than they do half the time…why do they even bother paying them they are effing useless. So at the present I am at a coffee shop using their internet connection because my connection, which used to be blazingly fast is now taking about 10 minutes to load any pages and the same to receive email. Maybe I should change jobs and do something that doesn’t rely on the internet….bah!!!

On the yoga front, I tried to get a little urgent matter done this morning before practice and it turned into an hours long ordeal, and as a result I missed practice. I am NOT happy….

The Results

I took YJ Yoga Snob Quiz, from Vanessa’s blog and here are the results

I’m a Balanced Yogi!

A Balanced Yogi You love your friends unconditionally and accept them for who they are no matter what their yoga style preference, religious beliefs, or spending habits. You focus on the good in people and would never try to change them. Almost everyone feels comfortable in your presence. You live your yoga. You are an inspiration to yoga students everywhere!

Take the Yoga Journal Yoga Snob Quiz!

Engaged

Call me a Fiancee. My proposal was accepted, though the ring was the wrong size. Has this changed anything for me, no not really. Except now I’m being asked the question: When will the wedding be? Answer: haven’t gotten that far yet. The two ideas out there so far, a Buddhist Wedding officiated by our friend who is an Acharya in the Shambhala Lineage, or elope to Italy.

Plans

I am a planner, and lately my plans seem to never come to fruition. One thing I’ve noticed is that my plans often have a hidden ingredient of impatience that I inject into them, i.e. things always take longer to accomplish than I think they will. I give myself 1 year it takes 3, I give myself 1 hour it takes 1.5…etc, etc, you can see how the samsaric cycle is perpetuated by this. So I have decided to give up deadlining. I will still plan and even plan in detail, but I will restrain myself from setting time limits, or deadlines as I seem to have an uncanny knack of creating unrealistic ones.

I went to see the bodyworker, and I’ve made huge progress, though some of the core issues in terms of emotional/muscular weakness are still there. She’s given me some really challenging homework, that has already been immensely helpful. One of the exercises involves getting feedback from folks, and not just ones you trust. Suffice it to say i had a rough childhood with very critical people around me, and I have a huge fear of taking in feedback from folks who I don’t trust. I fear it will become part of me, as it did as a child —–The bodyworker said this is a false belief, very helpful —-As an adult I have the capacities (and the organ systems - another thing she works with) to discriminate. I think on an intellectual level I knew this, but I am still afraid of taking in feedback from folks who I don’t completely trust. I can count the people i completely trust on both hands….so that really limits the field. So this has been challenging exercise. She advised me on how to take feedback as well: Feedback should not be defended against, it should be accepted, not as being true, but allowed to be considered and not figured out or defended. We can just take it in, and in about a week’s time we will know if it is important for us to believe and work on this feedback, or if it is complete garbage. I tend to shut out feedback if I find the source of it to be someone who seems to be a complete jackass, or I don’t trust or respect them. This exercise offers the possibility that anyone can offer helpful feedback, regardless of the source. Ultimately I get to discriminate, but it won’t hurt me to take in what is given. Radical concept for me.

What does this have to do with the knee you ask? Lots, these erroneous beliefs and emotional issues are what cause my muscles to go weak in certain situations, and many of them have gone weak since childhood. Breaking through these emotional issues and erroneous beliefs will strengthen everything that wasn’t supportive to the knee in the first place. Its pretty amazing I’ve already been able to contact strongly some core muscles that I have never really felt before. So, i was skeptical at first, but I really see how this way of working is helping, and it is not a quick fix, but alot more than my knee will have been helped by the end of it.

Mindfulness

I’ve found so much joy lately in my practice around paying attention. Just noticing the fear when when it comes up, the satisfaction when I jump through and the relief when muscles open and engage, the beautiful feeling of movement and stretching. The visceral sensation of breathing. Today I was able to see my injury as a gift as I have gotten back to basics, driste, breath, bandhas and that is all that is necessary to get the benefits of this practice. Of course, I’ve been told this time and time again by teachers, but to realize this fully in the moment feels like a huge breakthrough. Tomorrow is a new day with new things to pay attention to, feel, and experience completely.

Moonday munchies

I was hungry all day long! Let me see….started off ok, fresh fruit, coffee, later on mana bread with peanut butter (midmorning snack), then a salad, and a bunch of chickpeas, veggie burger slathered in veggy slices with pickles, bun….homemade peanut butter cookies, about six, white corn chips, homemade veggie chili, big bowl of popcorn, and more white corn chips, and another double espresso in there somewhere. Doesn’t look like that much, but way more than usual. Maybe I should be eating more on a regular basis…